Can We Stop Gendering Kids’ Halloween Costumes?
Probably not, so here are 8 gender-neutral costume ideas
When my now-7-year-old was only 2, she wanted to go trick-or-treating as a slice of pizza. I managed to construct a pretty believable pizza slice by cutting a yoga mat into a wearable triangle and adding felt circles that resembled sauce and pepperoni. She was adorable. A hundred mom points for me.
The next year, and every year since, it’s been a princess palooza up in here. There’s no other option she or her sister will even consider. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course. I get the obvious allure of a big frilly dress and a tiara, but I also hope she doesn’t feel like her only or best option is to be pretty.
Every Halloween as a parent, I find myself frustrated comparing “girl” and “boy” costumes at the store. Those denoted for girls seem to take whatever the character may be — from a doctor to a dinosaur — and make it “pretty” or glittery or add a skirt. Boys’ costumes feel skewed toward scary or violent characters. It’s not some deep conspiracy theory to conclude that what we’re doing is teaching girls no matter what they want to be, they need to first and foremost make sure that they’re physically attractive and that boys need to be tough.
Of course, it only gets more blatant as you peruse the adult costumes. I screamed internally when I came upon the sexy Olaf costume. And if we had any question who the next sexual assaulter at the party was, this “Blow Here Breathalyzer” costume is a lock.
Let’s make the awkward transition back to talking about kid costumes. Even though we may be making slow and steady strides to degenderize clothing for kids (boys can wear pink! Girls can like dinosaur t-shirts!), Halloween is still staunchly gendered. Walk into any costume store and this is apparent. Boy costumes on one side often reinforce masculine stereotypes — those that elude to power and intimidation like The Hulk, a velociraptor, a video game soldier. The girl side gives options like princesses, fairies, cheerleaders and — to check off the profession box — a firefighter who wears a skirt (very convenient for fighting fires).
We don’t want to take the fun out of the holiday or prevent kids from doing what feels natural to them, but ignoring gender stereotypes can add to a bigger issue down the road — a culture that sends certain, and not often healthy, messages to kids starting at a very young age.
And that brings us to the question of sexism. Talking to your kids about gender bias may seem like a big topic for little ones to grasp, but it’s really not, and it’s an important talk to have. Every day, kids are being sent messages about who they should be based on their sex. Hopefully we’re making progress debunking some of these stereotypes, like boys don’t need to be tough all the time; in fact, we know that encouraging boys to show emotion and connect with a more sensitive side of their personalities can prevent them from choosing violence later in life (see “Why We Need to Let Boys Cry”). And we know teaching both girls and boys about sexism and misogyny can be key to reducing domestic violence as adults.
We also know how harmful stereotypes can be to nonbinary kids and adults, those who don’t identify as their assigned birth gender. Trying to fit kids into a certain box, including when it comes to something typically fun like Halloween costumes, can leave some feeling confused, isolated and depressed.
Author Laura Bates, who talked to DomesticShelters.org about her kid- and teen-friendly book Girl Up, says teaching kids about sexism “doesn’t have to mean sitting your children down and giving them a massive lecture … It’s probably more effective to point out the little things when they crop up — airbrushed adverts, sexist stereotypes, gendered clothing — and by doing that, you give your children the tools to start to recognize these things in the world around them and challenge them, rather than accepting them as simply normal.”
As we peruse Halloween costumes with our kids in the store or online, consider starting a dialogue. Ask questions like:
Do you think only boys/girls should be able to wear that costume? Why?
What messages do you think that costume sends?
Do you want to look in the other section, too?
Would you rather make your own costume?
Do you feel like you need to dress the same as other kids? Why?
Would you like to go as a slice of pizza?
OK, maybe not that last one. But it doesn’t hurt to ask.
As you talk with your kids, notice any stereotypes that are pervasive in your own thoughts. Does it make you uncomfortable when you consider allowing your child to wear a costume that’s been assigned for the opposite gender? Why? Do you worry about them getting teased or do you worry about your parenting being called into question? Are you reinforcing gender stereotypes without even realizing it? Leading through example is one of the best ways to teach kids about overcoming gendering — if you’re not concerned with how other people perceive your gender, your children will pick up on that.
This page on gooddayswithkids.com about gender identity also has a lot of good ideas for responding to kids about their gender identity questions, and here are 11 children’s books that can help kids understand sexism.
8 Gender-Neutral Costume Ideas
These have nothing to do with gender roles, in case you need some alternatives.
1. Jetpack (it’s inflatable!)
2. Rockstar
3. Space Jam
4. Baby shark (do-do-do-do-di-do)
5. Your kid’s favorite snack (bowl of cereal or box of donuts perhaps?)
6. Family-themed movie costume (like Wizard of Oz — we love the tornado!)
7. Your kid 90+ years from now
8. Poop Emoji (find me one kid who doesn’t think poop is the funniest thing in the world)
Also, grown-ups, you might want to make sure you’re not reinforcing themes of violence or control through your costumes. JoinOneLove.org found six costumes to avoid perpetuating unhealthy relationship behaviors. Maybe go for this alien and UFO get-up instead.
A version of this story appeared on DomesticShelters.org.
